I remember the day I heard about your death, this past April 20th. Up until this day, I knew about you but honestly, nothing much really. I only knew a few of your songs and your stage name, nothing else. Not your real name, not your age and nationality. I remember thinking, Oh no not another one, like David Bowie, like Prince, like Chris Cornell, just to name a few. I only knew a couple of your songs, like Wake me Up, and this mainly because it kept playing on the radio at the time it was released. I’m not really into EDM, you know (no offence), more like Techno. So when I got home that day, I Googled you. I learned many facts about your life, but nothing about your passing because it appeared that your death was not only untimely but also totally unexpected, of course with someone this young. But no cause of death was given and soon mystery and conspiracy theories were abound. I looked at your photos and lots of clips of your music and stage performances. At one point I saw a photo of you in which you looked straight into the eyes of the viewer, and that is when it struck me deeply and profoundly. It was like an electric shock that passed through me, and it’s then when I felt a deep connection to you. Like you were my soulmate that now I will never get a chance to meet. I felt a deep sadness. What I couldn’t understand was why You? Lots of artists have passed away in recent years, indeed the year 2016 was known as a year where we had to say goodbye to many great music artists. But no one touched my heart in the way that you did. I wanted to know why, I wanted to know why you, I wanted to know why I felt so affected by your death. I knew it wasn’t because of the tragedy as such, it was something about you. Whenever I looked at photos of you, whenever I looked at music clips, you on stage, performing with your trademark hand movement, wearing your trademark backwards baseball cap, your Instagram stories, I felt a connection to you. I could feel your pain, I could feel your passion about your music-making, your animals, I could sense your gentle and beautiful soul and your sweet personality. It was more than just a sadness over someone’s death, much more than that. It felt like something that I didn’t even know had existed prior to the 20th of April, had been taken away and left a painful gap. I wasn’t anything like a crush that one might develop on a famous person who is out of reach, regardless of dead or alive. And this feeling hasn’t left me to this day. I analyzed it in my head over and over, why was I so profoundly affected by your death. First I thought it was due the fact that you apparently had committed suicide which is always a tragedy, and having experienced the death by suicide of a close friend myself, I thought that this was the connection. But I don’t think it was that, except maybe that the two of you have met in heaven now.
So one day I visited my hometown for a few days, and I went to visit a woman whom I have known for many years and who is known as a very spiritual person in our town, and she reads Tarot cards. Which she did for me. She told me that she recognized an emotional disturbance in my life, so this is when I told her about you, Tim, your passing and what happened to mo since I heard about your death. This is when it became a bit strange. She had goosebumps on her arms, and then told me that she believes that we must have had a close connection in a previous life, maybe as lovers, maybe as close friends, maybe as siblings, or as parent and child, and that this connection, as is normal in these cases, carries through various lives and beyond our realm.
At the same time, I started to feel a desire to meet a man who would be the love of my life, my true soulmate, with whom I finally wanted to share my life. I’ve never had this deep desire to meet him, because I never thought it important. I’m living a fulfilled life, haven’t needed or particularly wanted a partner to share it with. But somehow I thought that now the time had come. And the thing is, I feel that you are the one guiding me to him. For the first time in my life I have a clear idea of what my soulmate will be like, if that makes any sense. He will be like you were, with a gentle and beautiful soul, able to feel deeply and to be passionate about his artistic talent, whether it’s music, painting, writing or whatever. He will love animals, and dogs in particular, and he will love me, as much as I will love him. And so this will be a love story about love and self love. Sometimes the feeling gets so strong that I almost feel you or him beside me, touching me, talking to me, laughing with me, sharing life in its every aspect with me, with all of its adventures, happiness and beautiful moments, sharing nature, sharing our house, sharing common interests, supporting each other in our respective ideas, endeavors and ambitions. And somehow, I am sure, that one way or another, you will be there too, dear Tim. Because deep down I have found the answer why your passing has touched me so deeply.
We must have known each other in a previous life, I am sure of it, and we must have had a strong, passionate, loving relationship with each other, maybe as lovers, maybe as friends, maybe as siblings. And this is where the unexplainable sadness stems from, that we missed each other in this present life, you moved on before we had a chance to meet. And if it wouldn’t have been for your fame, I would have never known that we lived in the same world for a while. As for right now, I believe that you started it, you guided my soulmate and me toward each other and you connected us … Love will be the factor that will bind us together, you and me and the man I haven’t met yet. And so we will make up for some of the things you had to miss out on due to your untimely death and the pain that lead you there …
I love you Tim, and I love you Stranger and soulmate-to-be
Rest in Peace dear Tim, I know you are an Angel in Heaven now